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Hi.

This is ClawReviews. My last name has ‘Claw’ and I review movies; the naming convention for this site is a stroke of creative genius.

#ClawReviews Movie critics from someone who isn’t a movie critic
There Will Be Blood (2007)
Jul 20

Jul 20 There Will Be Blood (2007)

Alexander Clawson
1 Claw, Drama, Stupid, Period Piece

The only thing that came out of this that I liked was the realization that the phrase “I drink your milkshake” was spoken during the last five minutes.

Men In Black: International (2019)
Jul 17

Jul 17 Men In Black: International (2019)

Alexander Clawson
1 Claw, Sci-Fi, Stupid, Boring

It appears France got tired of not getting its cities destroyed, and wanted a sweet, sweet piece of that disaster-porn pie, giving the U.S. a chance to not be the focal point for alien-based destruction.

I Am Mother (2019)
Jul 16

Jul 16 I Am Mother (2019)

Alexander Clawson
4 Claws, Hard-Core Sci-Fi, Sci-Fi, Twisty

“I Am Mother” (2019) is hard-core science fiction at its best. Netflix is no stranger to the concept; they’ve just never been able to capture it in movie form.
Until now.

Blood Father (2016)
Jul 14

Jul 14 Blood Father (2016)

Alexander Clawson
4 Claws, Action, Shoot-em-up-Tony

Despite the name, “Blood Father” (2016) is not about a mafia man who runs a racket with Red Cross blood banks.

Lord of War (2005)
Jul 12

Jul 12 Lord of War (2005)

Alexander Clawson
3 Claws, Dramatic Biopic

Orlov (Cage) figures out that he can sell guns to mobsters to make a buck. Mobsters turn into to governments, and guns turn into more guns (and also attack helicopters)

The Shape of Water (2017)
Jul 11

Jul 11 The Shape of Water (2017)

Alexander Clawson
4 Claws, Drama, Fantasy

Love comes in all shapes and sizes.
Sometimes that size is a six-foot man wearing a rubber suit.
But it’s good.

Shazam! (2019)
Jul 7

Jul 7 Shazam! (2019)

Alexander Clawson
3 Claws, Action, Comedy

We’ve been watching multiple superhero movies per year for over a decade, so a lot of this is color-by-numbers, but there were definitely some bright spots in this story.

Source Code (2011)
Jun 30

Jun 30 Source Code (2011)

Alexander Clawson
1 Claw, Sci-Fi, Stupid

Sometimes, you’ve just gotta write your own rule book.
Then light that rule book on fire, strip naked, and scream.

Beirut (2018)
Jun 29

Jun 29 Beirut (2018)

Alexander Clawson
2 Claws, Dramatic Biopic

I heard about this movie while listening to an NPR podcast.
Does it surprise you that I listen to NPR, or podcasts?

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)
Jun 23

Jun 23 Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)

Alexander Clawson
1 Claw, Sci-Fi, Stupid

I have never seen a movie so thoroughly devoid of creativity.

Maleficent (2014)
Jun 16

Jun 16 Maleficent (2014)

Alexander Clawson
4 Claws, Fantasy

In 1959’s “Sleeping Beauty” was content with simply saying “She wears all black and is evil for the sake of being evil” and not worrying about sinking any amount of effort into character development.

All the Money in the World (2017)
Jun 10

Jun 10 All the Money in the World (2017)

Alexander Clawson
4 Claws, Dramatic Biopic, Drama

For the sake of wordiness, and because this is about one of those families that isn’t creative enough to come up with more than one name for the patriarchal line, I’m going to go with P1 for Jean Paul Getty (the grandfather), P2 for Jean Paul Getty II (his son), and P3 for Jean Paul Getty III (the grandson).

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